


Harry's List

by 80slillis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Harry Has Cancer, Heartbreaking, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mentions of Cancer, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 18:32:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6868639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/80slillis/pseuds/80slillis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has cancer.And he has a list of things he wants to do before he dies.Louis helps him fulfill it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harry's List

this is really sad.like really really sad.just a warning.  
***

 

When Harry Styles came into my life I told myself that letting him go was the best.I should't have opened him the doors to my heart,nor my soul's.I shouldn't have even seen him.When he came into my life everything changed.Harry was-between many things-a problematic boy.No,not in a rebel form,HE was the problem.

The first time I saw him,sitting in that little waiting room in Memorial Hutter hospital I said to myself that ignoring him would be impossible.His tousled curls,his pink lips with biting marks on them,his clear green eyes.He didn't move,he didn't try to start a conversation with anyone.

I-like the idiot I was in those times-approached him,captivated by his beauty.I shouldn't have done that,I don't regret it but my life would have been easier if I hadn't walked the 5 meters that kept us apart.My life started that day,that fateful day in which I fell for him.

I went to where he was and sat down in the only vacant seat by his side."Hi" was everything I could say.

He smiled and turned his face toward me,and then I took notice-it was a strange moment of clarity-that Harry couldn't see me.Yes,so rare was wanting to be with someone who would never see you.

"Hello to you too,stranger" he said,still smiling "What's your name?"

His voice was grave but sweet.Everything about him relaxed me,it was a very intense thing but God! The boy was blind,and with only a few words he had me eating from his hand.

"I'm Louis Tomlinson.What's yours?" His smile widened, he got out of his seat and I worried, my chest revolved at the thought that maybe he was going to leave."I'm Harry,Harry Styles"

He made his way to the exit like if he could actually see where he was going.A moment later he stopped and his voice boomed in my ears,"You're not coming?"

That was my first fucking mistake.

***

It had been a week since that day in the hospital.Harry had me eating from his hand.My time was devoted to only that boy with hopes of living and bad times.Anne-his mother-had trusted me her cryings at night and her hopes dead.

Everything changed in the day in which Harry searched for something under his matress, a paper sheet folded excesively, teared,and with wobbly words.

"What is this Harry" I asked doubtfully.

"This,Crystal" he told me,sitting on a corner of his bed,touching the space beside him,motioning me to sit there "Is the list of things I want to do before I die...I don't have much time,and you know it,but I wanted to share it with someone special".

Things to do before leaving

.   See the stars

.   Go to the sea

.  Fly

.  Have my first kiss

.  Fall in love

.  Be loved

.  Make love

.  Have a tattoo

.  Go to church

.  Write a song

.  Scream to the world to fuck off

.  Go to a dance

.  Love myself for how I am

.  Learn french

.  Die happily

.  Marry

I re-read the list several times, making plans on how to fulfill his dreams.I could make him fall in love with me,because,certainly,I was madly in love with him. "Okay" I told him " Let's do it".

***

We were on a bus,traveling to Brighton beach.Harry was excited,he had never been to the sea-and although he couldn't see it-and the idea of hearing the waves crashing into the rocks, dipping his feet into the salty water,feeling free of cancer,delighted him.

Oh, I had forgoten that detail.Harry, besides his blindess,had a brain tumor.He didn't want any treatments nor medication,he'll die because life had said so.The symptoms were not yet notorious so I wanted to start the list with things that he could still do.

When we got to the beach,and Harry let the water touch his feet he shouted in excitement,he smiled and that smile,I will remember till the day of my grave.Seeing him like this made me get excited too that I kissed him.I grabbed his cheeks with delicacy and drew him towards me,and finally joined our lips.We fit together.We fit in like two puzzles.Our lips connected perfectly,our breathing was altered,our hearts moved dangerously in our chests.I was afraid,afraid that the love I felt that moment would enrapture me and would not let me see that those moments were limited.

When we got apart,I could only say "Two points.Done".I saw him smile and he answered me "I could swear they were three".I mentalized the points,go to the sea and have my first kiss.Those were the ones I had crossed out.

I said nothing,but Harry smiled and cleared it out for me "Fall in love,Louis,fall in love".

I smiled,I really smiled when I heard those words come out of his mouth.I took him in my arms and kissed him again.We spent the whole evening like that,just the sea and kisses.

***

"I don't think this is good for your health,Harry" I said while I saw him sitting in a red plastic stool at a tattoo shop.The big man in front of him looked at me,probably sick of hearing that same phrase for the third time in five minutes.

"Louis,I'm gonna die soon" he replied smiling,waiting for the needle to make contact on his skin.'My health's crap,so stop acting like an overprotective mother".

He was right,it was in his list,I couldn't say no.When the man started making the tattoo I worried because of the pain,I knew that it hurt,my body was full of ink.But,it was worth,because Harry had a piece of me in him.Two sparrows,two sparrows that represented us.

Have a tattoo,done.

He smiled when the man finished the tattoo,thanked him.The tattooist looked at him with pity because of the confession he had made earlier.When I saw Harry's face,I could see that this time he was really fucked up. "I love you Harry" I didn't say anything more.He didn't answer but the silent tears streaming down his cheeks told me that he did too.

Be loved,done.

***

Go to church.

Two weeks later after he had gotten his tattoo we went to church.The tumor symptoms were now noticeable.His hands shook when I took them into mines,his legs fell "asleep" and in occasions,I couldn't get him out of bed.

Harry had never been to church.We listened to the sermon,prayed and confessed our sins.Harry sat in the front row when the sermon was over,and asked me to leave him alone for a moment.I could hear him cry,and give thanks for all the good years he had had before the tumor.He didn't complain in any moment,nor blasphemed God because of what happened.He just gave thanks for his life,wiped his tears,and we left.

***

Days later,we tried to write a song,but he couldn't remember some words and he couldn't pronounce another ones.He could't write.That day,he cried as he had never cried in his life.We sat on the couch,and saw Titanic.Now,it's my favorite,it reminds me of Harry.

***

One night, very close to the fateful night when everything was over,Harry peed in the bed.I didn't care in the least,but he was so ashamed that I couldn't do anything to calm him down.With a knot on his throat,he asked me to leave him alone but I couldn't leave him,I couldn't because Harry couldn't get up by himself.I didn't leave him,instead,I hugged him and repeated the words "I love you" in his ear because Godammit! I love him.

That morning,the headaches were too much for him.Anne asked me to take him to the hospital.They interned him,and for a long time,he didn't get out of that bed.He was in terrible state,finished and emaciated.His cheeks were not plump anymore and his eyes-although they couldn't see me-had lost any kind of emotion.

I knew that we were meant to be together but also that we were gonna be very far away from each other.Those days in the hospital gave me time to analize that time was what we least had!So I decided to forget some of the plans on his list and did what I could actually do.I spoke to Anne,she gave me her blessing,thanked me for anything,and left me with my Hazza.My dying Hazza.

I had to do this quickly;doctors had said that it was highly probable the possibility of heart attacks or malfunctions in his body.

"Harry" I spoke taking his hand,he smiled,he did that more often now."Harry Edward Styles Cox...I have loved you since the day I saw you in the waiting room of this hospital.I don't know how life will be when you leave,but for now,let it be little or a lot of time,I want to share every moment of happiness,sadness,and all the joys,with you.I don't deserve you Harry,but thanks to a divine intervention,I met you.Harry Styles...Will you marry me?"

A smiled formed in his face,his eyes sparkled again.He replied "I love you more than the time I have left here Louis Tomlinson,and I'm sorry for not telling you this sooner but I was afraid" A tear dropped from his eye and I abstained myself from removing it."We both know that it was not love at first sight because Dammit! I'm blind! So I know that what we had was true love.Not of that love that is measured by sexual or physical appearance I love you above all the good moments I've had in my life"

When silence ruled again,and his hand searched for mine,I held it as if it was treasure,because that''s what  he  is to me.He was my treasure,my Hazza,my everything"

"I love you more than anything,Harry"

We smiled;it was the best smile he had given me in days,without his bad humor and his jokes.

***

The wedding was small,and in the chapel of the hospital.My mother,my friends,Anne,nurses and doctors who knew us,came.I said the "I do" with such happiness I had never expressed in my life.They congratulated us,told us what a good couple we made,between other compliments.

Marry,that was the plan on the list which I crossed out with more excitement.

***

Days passed,maybe weeks,but I was Louis Styles,Mr. Louis Styles.My happiness was uncontainable,but Harry started to forget who the people around him were.He didn't remember my name,but I did everything to help him.I told him the strange love story of how we met in the waiting room of the hospital,and he smiled every time I mentioned that I loved him.I didn't stop telling him,reminding him that I loved him,and he didn't forget.He couldn't.

One night,one cold night,the doctor informed me and Anne that Harry was really dying and that he could leave any moment.He couldn't tell us exactly when,but he cold tell us that Harry wouldn't suffer.That brightened me up a tiny bit.His sensibilty to things was gone.

One week more passed and one night,while we spoke about nonsense-because Harry couldn't make a conversation-,held each other's hands,and told each other "I love you", we fell asleep.

That morning we organized his funeral.

Harry had died with a smile on his face and me-his husband-by his side.He died in my arms.We were together till the end and I crossed out another plan on his list: Die happily.

***

In his funeral,I could only say that I loved him,and I swore to myself that I would never fall in love again.That would be the first and only time I would do it because-I was 100% sure- all the love I had in me,I had given it to him,and it had been worth it.

I was out,in a field.It was completely dark,except for the stars.I remembered one of our conversations."Are you scared of dying?" I asked. "We will all die someday,Lou." he answered me with a smile. "Don't you dislike the darkness of death?".He smiled,and hugged me tight with the little strength he could gain and said " I'm already darkness Louis.As long as I can remember,I'm nothing but shadows".

Remembering that fragment from many interesting conversations with my beloved husband,I looked up to the stars.

I smiled,while tears slid down without my permission,and said "I could't make you see the stars,Hazza...but I'm 100% sure that you are now one of them".

 

 

   


End file.
